I get it. Really.

Hey JT, in NYC,

[Mid-life crisis] I get it. Really get it.
The other day this guy insulted the needle books that I'm trying to sell on ETSY (Ugh. Long story.) Suggested that I'd sell them for, what?, $5.00 each. I'm thinking +$30.

Then a b*tchmom at ballet asked me if my GRANDDAUGHTER was in the class. I looked pretty damn hep that day too. She was sloppy & preggo but I wasn't going to be so classless as to ask her when she was due. Then, when she found out that darling M is my DAUGHTER she crassly said, "So, tell me about M. What's THAT on her head?" Young idiot.

At a party for the Chinese New Year every single conversation descended into yet another laundry list of C's heath issues. I kept excusing myself, finally just waiting in the car, big day the next day.

On Thursday, coming home from the hospital with C, I saw a huge billboard advertising Blue Oyster Cult! They are playing Wendover, NV. I am NO fan of BOC, nor Wendover, but suddenly it seemed like a great idea. Just get me outta here!

The 40's are rough. That feeling of relentlessly putting one foot in front of the other is wearing on the bones and soul. Greatness though, is wasted on the young and also not exclusively theirs. Keep writing. Keep loving. Keep moving forward. 

xoxo
H
Glad you liked the card. Would have liked to see you more while in UT.

Tomorrow & Today

1stly: Tomorrow N has surgery for his second implant, bilateral. We leave our house at 4:30 in the morning.

The doctor, the doctor's office and the hospital haven't really told us anything to expect. This is disappointing. I've been reading things online, some is very out of date. Sigh.

2 Facebook comments I left at 2 different places:

Andrew, you are right. On my list of things I don't get: why DO (many) women run around 90% naked. If it is that comfortable why don't men, aside from legal restraints, do it too? AND! Why would there be the double standard legally for men? Must be like TV and politics ... men must be in suits, big, pasty & nasty while women have to be rail thin, in tight suits, and have   (usually long) hair, show legs, and feign sweet bitterness. 

RE: Rally to Restore Sanity:

--> "Hard times and not end times."

AND! I love that Tony Bennett sang. This is the team I want to be on. Let's make America better, not just bitter. And, let's laugh a little on the way.

V is for Verb-ing. Or: I got a bad case of the Verbs.

I'm up late. Have an odd sore throat, should be in bed but I'm doing something I haven't done in weeks & weeks... catching up on friends/family via blogs. Honestly, I don't get the entire computer thing but I did love watching my niece KtG's 2 beautiful daughters be adorable with lollipops (she calls the candy "a sucker"--which is what S, at age 2.5 (14 years ago!) wanted to name her little brother, which is how he got the nickname, Lollipop, just sounded like a more polite name). And I enjoyed seeing my pals Noelle & Molly in the fine Utah Valley Magazine. Zina's very authentic chicken stock is, ummm, inspiring.

Learning Facebook, houseworking, reading, grooming, shopping, cooking, loving, spinning, yard work/rototilling/planning, speech therapy going, homeschooling, churching, skiing, visiting, quilting, attending parent/teacher confrontations, I mean conferences... Right now I feel that I'm doing a lot and none of it very well. Did I mention praying?

Actually, my mind often drifts to a cousin, the mother of a baby who later this month will have surgery for bilateral cochlear implants. He is actually a very blessed child. (N & M would really benefit from bi-lateral CIs but I can't sacrifice my family on the alter of insurance appeals and we really don't have approx $+50,000 EACH right now.) My thoughts are on his mother though. For all the blogs, Facebooks etc. I wish I could just call and talk to her. How is she doing? This is a brilliant, connected mother, with a super-fantastic husband. I don't want to intrude or leave any more messages. Their family is huge and supportive so I wonder if I need to talk to her for my sake. There are so many questions that I'd like answered. Perhaps I could answer some of hers...

M, whose language is faltering, told me today that my sketchbook is all fulled-up. I'm going to filled it up a bit more and am looking forward to starting a new one.

Kudos for KSL!!!

Thanks to everyone who told me about this story on KSL-5. The Cedar City family's plight is exactly the same as ours. Now that my computer is back on my desk I finally am able to look up the story. Here is the link:
http://www.ksl.com/index.php?nid=148&sid=5047066

The following is my comment:
Thank you KSL for covering this story!

My son Nathan also needs a second implant. We fought the fight with SelectMed as well. (They are indeed SELECTive.) On the day of the final appeal the Let Them Hear attorney flew in from CA, we had a journalist there, I showed a video and had a brief presentation... it took 11 months to get to that point and then, surprise surprise, my phone rang as we were driving out of the parking lot and we were told that just that day they had changed their policy regarding cochlear implants. Nathan was 5 at the time and was so happy! He, and his sister, were born with a condition that caused their hearing to deteriorate. Their hearing issue is our family's only major health issue.

The 11 months cost him the ability to differentiate many sounds and his speech is very affected. During that time he was angry, destructive and very lonely. His is still frustrated and often isolates himself. He spends a lot of time with books.

As small business owners our insurance rates went up and up as our coverage went down. It was especially frustrating for us since we didn't qualify for medicaid and would have to completely deplete our savings, and borrow money, at the time we were told it would cost us $80,000 for one implant. Time was also of the essence since people learn to speak/hear best in early childhood. Hearing, in general, is an invisible and discriminated disability. The hearing aids ($2000 each) and batteries really add up. When we appealed for hearing aid coverage, for our infant, we were told they are cosmetic.

Another issue in Utah is the Utah Schools for the Deaf and Blind. KSL please visit the Utah County preschool facilities. 25 year old, broken, NOISY trailers. Please chat with the entrenched, retrogressive administration. Ask about the USDB's budget and especially about weak services for the lucky Utah children who have implants, especially compared with other states' programs.

Thanks for listening!

X is for my LETTER to X96.

For those of you not in Utah, X96 is a radio station with a cool morning show. The rest of their programming is alternative music. I just wrote this letter and thought I'd post it.

Years ago my friend Elizabeth Pfau asked me if I was going to be one of those "letter writing Moms?" YEP. One (more) reason for the name of the blog.

Hi Bill, (and Kerry and Gina),

I listened to your show on Thursday. I had been looking forward to it for the week before, then Thursday morning I was stuck forgetting about it while writing an email to my son's teacher, and ccing his audiologist. My 10th grade daughter reminded me. (Its hep that we can both listen to your station.)

Anyway... to attempt to be brief:

• We have 5 children, our 2 youngest are deaf, both have cochlear implants. They are 7 and 3 years old. Our 7 year old is in 1st grade and is mainstreamed. Everyone is amazed at how well our children hear and speak. We are too!

• Our son heard with hearing aids and then lost the rest of his hearing around his 5th birthday. That is a recipe for frustration. Although we signed with him he knew how much he was missing. He was a miserable kid to be around. The CI has completely helped him emotionally and with communication. We had to fight our insurance company to cover it. (Our cost would have been $80K!) He still needs speech therapy but that story is kinda long...

• Cochlear implants are miracles, not "satellite dishes" on heads. Is a diabetic pump on a child, or adult, something to disparage? Also, children born with hearing loss into hearing families are no longer sent to "residential" schools, isolated from their families, since they can learn to hear and speak so much more easily than in the past. Cochlear implants are the future for deaf children and adults.

• Deaf people who can speak, statistically, have MANY more options to them. They are autonomous people. From my vantage point I can't imagine saddling my children with a lifetime of being accompanied by an interpreter and never spending time with grandparents, cousins and other extended family and friends because the rest of the world doesn't sign. We sign some and don't have a problem with it, but I don't expect the rest of the world to. If our family only spoke French wouldn't it be odd to demand that everyone around us learn French? Yeah, yeah, we should then move to a French speaking county... again, AWAY from everything we call "home."

• The bit about "dating a deaf" girl kinda freaked me out. For many sick and wrong reasons deaf children are sexually abused more than other children. I don't care how hot the deaf girl was in the studio, it just didn't sound right to me. How to get to know a deaf girl or boy? Say hello and wave. I can't clarify my thoughts here... fear for my kids? or the memory of the weird friend of friends that told me that he always wanted to have sex with blind girl? --just because, he said. Girl? Blind? Again, I'm not at all articulate here, but it's just not something to encourage, at all.

• The bit about deaf education was right on. There is an excellent new program that just started in Logan called Sound Beginnings. http://www.usu.edu/ust/index.cfm?article=15151 It would be cool if you talked to Karl White from that school about what is going on for the Future of deaf children. USDB is a fairly whacked out place. Funny thing is they just don't listen. In Utah County I am involved with a foundation that is trying to get off the ground called Journey to Hear, to create a great preschool that is not in +20 year old trailers...

Thanks for paying attention, which is what I tell my children to do, since listening, whether hearing or not, is tricky.
Keep being original. Your show is great.

H ...
...Utah

p.s. Good luck to Gina. And good luck finding a sub. My daughter wanted me to enter... would've been cool. There is a spin teacher at Gold's Gym in Utah County... RONA! She would be fantastic! Even for a guest spot. She has a large devoted following. Amazing teacher.