Y is for Yuck. Yuck, not yuk.

If you want some of your own, you need to go to Village Inn in SLC. Order the "chicken ranchero."

For this piece of culinary heaven you'll need to go the OakCrest Inn in Spanish Fork, Utah.

This is the, umm, oystershellblahonionburger. It tasted as bad as it looks. Nope. That bun isn't hand formed and fresh. It was smashed and stale. Another masterpiece available at Village Inn, and, it is expensive.

I've wanted to post about Valerie Phillips, food editor of the Deseret News ... her choice of articles for olympic food suggestions are brilliant. The article is called (oh so cleverly) "Gaming for anything: Dishes inspired by Olympic sports." I don't know how she does it. Here is the first recipe description, "Crostini Sleds: These crostini resemble people flying head first down a hill on a tiny sled, as happens in the skeleton event. Let them fly right onto a platter for chowing while watching the games." Mmm-mmm. Let's go chow, a sled.

Y is for Yuck.

La de da. This post is for Misha! :P
A short while back C and I went shopping together. Well, I probably dragged him along for "one or two things"... Allen's (a locally/Utah owned grocery store) is a "one or two" store. You can easily leave that store with the one or two things that you need -- unlike Costco, the $100 Store. That is, unless you just happen to need mesh canvas in assorted colors. Who needs colored mesh canvas?! Guess you can't have too much of that hanging about. They sell all sorts of unrelated things, especially for a grocery store.

So, we are strolling down the isles and the vertical cheese cake caught my eye... I commented that perhaps this (see below) isn't the best way to sell cheese cake. Needed to take a picture of it for K since he HATES cheese cake and always has. When I showed him the picture he noticed that it is right next to the (unrefrigerated) vitamin drinks. Good point. Mmm.

As I got closer to take the picture, C noticed something different... Yuck. Caramel Apple Cheese Cake, now not only vitamin packed, but botulism packed too! Care for some spores with your dessert?

Scary.

B is Best Beans.

http://www.ranchogordo.com/html/v_beans.htm
Fun food site.
Soaking these but I'm not sure I needed to they are so fresh!

D is for DillyBeans.

http://www.bethsfarmkitchen.com/

Since I'm writing on a blog... you already know I'm more clever and more experienced, not to mention happier, thinner, more beautiful, with the smartest mostest beautiful and naturally athletic children anywhere, ever... did I mention that I am a fantaaaaaasstic home chef and there is so much money coming in the front door that we are vacuuming it up, mopping it up and whipping up crafts with the green stuff?! Well, actually, that is all true, but after we give bunches of money to an array of charitable causes, we have just enough (left over) to splurge on Beth's Dilly Beans. They are available at farmer's markets in NYC and they can be ordered and shipped.

I know C loves me because he only eats these WITH me. Not a big fan of strong foods, I do like them once in a while, whereas he LOVES them ALL the time. Then, on the fifth full moon of the year, when I'm in the mood for DILLY BEANS they are GONE! Well, they used to be. Yesternight C declared he'd only eat them with me. Ahhh shucks.

Is it coincidence that I just found Beth's Farm Kitchen catalog today in my pile of papers? I'm trying to go though at least 5 at a time... and also a few random saved blog pictures ...

Ranch Dressing.

N doesn't eat anything unless it has a cartoon character on the plasticcrap that it is sold in. This drives me nuts. The junkier the better. He is pretty thin since I don't buy a lot of that stuff. He is banished from the dinner table to eat alone at the counter (OFTEN) because I can't stand his little sneers about the HOMEMADE, FROM SCRATCH, GOOD & GOOD LOOKING food I make.

He doesn't eat fruit or vegetables... ever. He told me he'd eat carrots in his lunch if I sent Ranch Dressing with them. I really pretty much hate Ranch dressing; like salsa it is Everywhere. I mean it is at restaurants, at home, at every meal, on every plate, left on every counter, smeared on every corner of the sink. Most importantly it makes everything look and taste the same. Unlike the ubquitous salsa it doesn't look like vomit left in the sink! (Ugh.) -- It looks like bird deposits.

Bottled salad dressing is just silly. It is full of chemicals and sugar and salt and goo that is completely unnecessary. On occasion I buy it and am usually disappointed. Salad dressing is the EASIEST thing in the world to make. My folks used to buy Trader Vic's vinaigrette but that isn't on the market these days, and probably never has been in Utah.

I made the following Ranch Dressing and everyone loved it. LOVED it. Everyone, Except for N.
I used buttermilk, lite mayonnaise and lite sour cream. I found it at http://allrecipies.com/
It was submitted by Dawnia. (Thanks!)

INGREDIENTS
1 cup mayonnaise
1/2 cup sour cream
1/2 teaspoon dried chives
1/2 teaspoon dried parsley
1/2 teaspoon dried dill weed
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
1/4 teaspoon onion powder
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper

DIRECTIONS
In a large bowl, whisk together the mayonnaise, sour cream, chives, parsley, dill, garlic powder, onion powder, salt and pepper. Cover and refrigerate for 30 minutes before serving.

State Fair cont.

N & K having bushels of fun!

Oh wow.

Yep. Watermelon Rind Pickles.

Haven't I seen this gal somewhere before?

J looking fine, between the lines.

J is for Jello, the broken green hearted Utah kind.

Went to a family party today. Brought flowers instead of a side salad for 10.

Thinking about switching on this blog's private mode so that I can write honestly... more honestly.

P is for Parfait Perfection.

The Xmas letter on the side bar is only partially an untruth. This is the truth: S is not on "advisory" any longer and she does like parfaits. Witness this masterpiece. Blueberry, vanilla yogurt, strawberry and ginger granola (available in bulk at Harmon's). She declared it needed its picture taken and marched it into the studio photo set.

W is for Wendy's -- rediculous, again ... a letter for today.

Our experience today at Wendy's was so bad that it was comical. This was our order: 2 kids' meals, both with cheeseburgers, chocolate milks and vanilla frosties. One side salad with low-fat ranch. 2 large waters.

I was told the vanilla frosty machine "was broke." Fine, chocolate is ok. When our order came the kids' meals were missing the cheese burgers, the frosty cups were half full and the dressing was French. Also, the French fries were cold. The toys were DVD games that you have been giving out for about 6 months.

I had to park the car to get the cheese burgers. And then I saw the dressing.

Today I am writing because enough is enough. Whenever we go to Wendy's in SLC (Foothill) the order is screwed up; today it was more than the usual no cheese, no requested pickles or a missing fork for the salad. Once there was no meat in the chili. There used to be an order-taker that was incredibly rude, again almost comical. My children were begging to go there, regrettably I acquiesced.

Utah County Wendy's aren't much better.

M is for Menu.

Today is a snowy snowy snowy day. J, N and M are bored of building with snow. Waiting/hoping patiently for a friend to show up, they are done building a snow fort with the snow block builder.
I am trying to get motivated to finish putting away Christmas stuff. Thought I'd post about it but can't find the pictures... oh oh. M is playing with Styrofoam from inside computer boxes and counting bears. She is the village.
I made the above is a menu card for a friend. We shared dinner with their family-- she was crazy overworked. A favorite diner of ours is curry chicken. It is fairly mild. The children love it. I can cook anything but struggle thinking of what to make. Witness all the dinner idea blogs... I'm not alone. My idea of an ideal dinner is some steamed vegetables, or (Hallelujah!) hot cereal. C is ok with that now... although he prefers something that generates leftovers for lunch. Chicken curry is just such a dinner.
The idea occurred to me to make a card for all our favorite meals. Sketchy and inspirational.

What is your favorite dinner menu?

V is for Valerie Phillips.

"Classy confections — Artisans know beans about chocolate" Ah ah ah. Oooh, that Valerie Phillips has done it again! She just has a word with ways, no wait that's Bush... she just knows how to stir up a tasty and tempting title.
The article is about 2 chocolatiers in Utah, some of the best in the country. They are so great they win national awards. I first read about them in a different section of the paper, naturally. I would love to go on a chocolate hunt and find out for myself why they are so divine, especially since my former favorite Scharffen Berger (now a Hershey company) is just not right any more. However, for the last while chocolate gives me a serious head & stomach ache. Boo hoo hoo. I would have loved the article even more! had it not been so tepid, short and full of cliches.
A friend recently asked what Valerie Phillips looks like. She is the food editor for a large-ish daily paper ... I think it is fair that I publish hers, if not a bit mean spirited.

A question here might be, "What would Rona do?" She wouldn't flinch: publish it. David Letterman's criteria for making fun of someone is that if it is something the person has done to him/herself it is fair game. If the situation is involuntary, don't use it. Clinton's "zipper problem" = fair game. The stupid things Paris Hilton's says? Fair. Hmmmm. Now that I am thinking about it... he might not publish VP's mug shot. She can't help that she likes green bean casserole, with fried canned onions on top ... but then again, she could have cooked up a garnished portrait with more flair, style and icing.

The other articles are about old-fashioned puddings (about 800 calories a bite) and chicken pot pies on the fast with frozen puff pastry tops. How elegant, upscale and quick!

I read all this and wonder, "Who chooses this stuff?" Oh yeah. Madame Phillips, Food Editor.

G is for GINGERBREAD!

Gingerbread.
This is the best, most simple, most consistent and yummiest recipe, ever. Also, it has a lovely texture. I've tried a lot. We have been making it for over 10 years. I'm thinking that we just had our last Gingerbread party though... feel as though I've run an extra mile after running a marathon. Here is the recipe.

• Preheat oven to 350ºf Cover cookie sheets with parchment paper. It is reusable and fat free.

Heat to boiling point:
1 cup MOLASSES
Add: 1/2 cup SUGAR
6 tablespoons BUTTER
2 tablespoons MILK

Mix: 4 cups FLOUR
1 teaspoon BAKING SODA
1 teaspoon SALT Maybe a little less
1 teaspoon NUTMEG
1 teaspoon CINNAMON
1 teaspoon ground CLOVES
1 teaspoon GINGER, powered
Add molasses mixture to flour mixture.
Blend well. If the dough isn’t holding together, or you like it more malleable add a few tablespoons of warm water or milk.
Roll out the dough about 1/4 inch thick and cut into large and small gingerbread men, using special cookie cutters or very sharp knife.
• Bake for 5–7 minutes.
• Decorate when cool with frosting, candies, etc.
• If it gets too dry or crumbly put it in the microwave for abou 20 seconds, or less. Don't handle the dough too much.

H 1997

C is for Cookies, for Christmas, that are cool.

This is what a food section should aspire to. It is from San Francisco of course. The tag line reads like a bit of poetry: "Holiday cookies give a nod to the past and a wink to the future." The image is magical and makes you want to pick one up, not run to the lou. As I read the recipe I thought of ways to substitute for the mint (chocolate, almond, vanilla)... the food editor actually INSPIRED me in the kitchen.

Check out the entire food section at sfgate.com.

P is for Peppermint.

I have written a snarky letter to the features editor of the Deseret Morning News, about the food editor, but I really don't want to send it. Why? Ah shucks... how would I get my kicks on Wednesdays? This Wednesday's lead recipe? You guessed it: Peppermint cheesecake! (Dry laughter.) I am not a fan of mint, but even if I were I can't imagine enjoying toothpaste in my cheesecake.

Another favorite of mine is the recent title of an article: "Get crackin' — When it comes to baking, you can't beat eggs."

I didn't make that up! Sounds like somethin' dear ol' Bush might say to one of his buddies.

W is for Wednesday's Food Section.

The above is a tart of sorts made with fresh peaches, apples and a simple cinnamon/sugar topping, no crust.

Many newspapers use the Wednesday center part of the paper for food. My favorite paper (my home page) The San Francisco Chronicle has a brilliant Wednesday Food Section. The Deseret Morning News also has a Wednesday Food Section. What's the difference? Everything!

I honestly cannot figure out how the food editor of the Deseret News keeps her job. She doesn't do a bad job, she does a HORRIFIC job. I have been wanting to write a letter to the editor for a long while -- about the Captain Crunch Crab Cakes! or the endless article about cook-offs and contests, or the use of out of season produce and canned soups. Can't wait to see what she "cooks up today!" Can't forget to mention her over use of cliches and trite sayings.

While in SF with C, we ate breakfast at a favorite, fantastic, small restaurant on Chestnut Street, The Grove. Out of the blue C mentions Valarie Phillips, the food editor for the DMN, and her recipe for quesadillas, with "your favorite canned spicy cheesy soup," in a comparison to the Grove's lovely, simple, healthy menu. I just about spit I was suddenly so mad. It was funny at the time. A woman next to us noticed and we told her about the Captain Crunch crab cakes, quesadillas and cook-offs -- she was disgusted too. It was a funny San Franciscan exchange.

Perhaps I'll write that letter today...

O is for OHMYGOSH!