F is for a Fish (Plate) tale.

Here is a fish plate tale. No wait, here is the tale of the souvenir fish plate that Rona received from her friend.

Rona has a d-i-l that took a trip to Mexico. Instead of bringing back a lovely, garish piece of silver jewelry the gal brought Rona a stinkin' fish plate. This is an oft told story... Jump ahead: R's stylish pal went on a trip and found this lovely fish plate and told Rona that she brought something back for her, so fantastic that she'd have to open it in front of her beloved M-F a.m. class. It was in a huge diaper box. It was a BIG cool thing! She was so excited. Rona was counting down the minutes until her friend arrived.

Then she opened it! Wow. What a disappointment. Almost as bad as when her d-i-l cut her grand daughter's hair, wacky short... Rona was cruel, but not vicious, that day.

Everyday there is a story, or she relays the latest celebrity news. Weird celebrity baby names, what to do/say on dates, her whacked out cravings. There is never a dull moment. Latest: Prevention magazine says to wear rings to look younger, gives your hands interest, makes you look hip. R is all over that and was wear a great (!) big piece of starkly bling on her hand for the class. Another health tip: get some sleep. The more you sleep the thinner you will be.

Y is for YES. Yes to creating ORDER!!!

One of my House of Order assignments is to go to DI (Goodwill) twice a week. OK. Once a week is working, twice just doesn't work into my beaten path.

WHY DO ALL TEAMS GIVE SHIRTS?
WHY DID WE HAVE SO MANY FLAT SOCCER BALLS?
WHAT ARE WE KEEPING SO MUCH CRAP AROUND OUR HOUSE? Why have I accumulated so much crap?

Although I've never really liked the idea of having a garage sale I think I'm going to plan one for a few weeks out... some of our stuff is kinda nice. Gonna sell it; not mess with ebay though. Our warehouse has a stash of antique doors etc. as well.

G is for goofy Gift ideas from our pal Valerie!!!

First, a brief intro: The following read by a funny 12 year old may be dangerous to your health. K read this to me last night at the Target parking lot and I was laughing so hard it was scary.

"It does NOT say 'you IS!'" "Does TOO! Look!" As he read the Valerie's article in a dry disbelieving way, laughing and practicing his delivery, I was busting up. Good thing we were parked. We went to Target to find some cool gifts for his favorite teachers and friends... wound up with mini tubs of Play-doh. Thought they could use some holiday dough! (His to/from cards do not(NOT) say that.)

Really, I can't write to the DMN paper. I look forward to Wednesdays too much. Actually, at first I was disappointed because the lead article, not her column, was about old Mountain Fuel and Utah Power recipe books. I agreed with Valerie! Those books were pretty cool. Most of the recipes that she chose to print were kinda odd though, for example the Corned Beef Cheese Ball that calls for canned corned beef.

Delight your neighbors with fun, clever gifts

By Valerie Phillips
Deseret Morning News

Published: Wednesday, Dec. 19, 2007 12:14 a.m. MST

"Neighbor gifts" are already showing up on doorsteps and desks. Many ideas have been passed around numerous times, often with an added twist.

For instance, the two-liter bottle of soda pop lends itself to lots of tag lines: "May your holidays bubble over with fun!" or "Pop, pop, fizz, fizz, oh what a great neighbor you is." Or "May your Christmas be merry and Sprite" or "We're soda-lighted to have you as our neighbor."

Last year I received another variation: "Seven Up-Lifting Thoughts," with seven thoughts listed that were, indeed, uplifting.

seven thoughts listed that were, indeed, uplifting.

If you're not into soft drinks, here are other simple ideas:

• Windshield scraper: "Amid snow or sleet or hail or slush, Merry Christmas from all of us!"

• Almond Joy candies: "Here's wishing you joy at Christmas."

• Long-handled grill matches or gas lighter: "To a matchless friend, may your Christmas be bright."

• Cake mix and wooden spoon: "Not a creature was stirring. ..."

• Muffin mix: "You're getting muffin for Christmas!"

• Ice cream scoop: "Have a cool yule!"

• A box of Ho-Ho cupcakes: "Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas."

• A can of nuts: "I just go nuts at Christmas."

• Small jars of spices or spice blends: "Seasonings Greetings."

• A scented candle: "Scenting you holiday greetings!" or "May your Christmas be bright!"

• Holiday washcloth: "We wash you a Merry Christmas!"

• Bubble gum: "We chews to wish you a Merry Christmas!" or "May your holidays bubble over with fun!"

• Frozen cookie dough: "Here's a little extra dough for Christmas" or "We've done the mixing, so you can cut up in the kitchen."

• Flavored butter or a jar of jam: "Spreading cheer this time of year."

• Dried or frozen pasta: "Have a pasta-tively happy holiday!"

• A hunk of cheese and grater: "To a grate neighbor from your cheesy friends next door."

• A basket with herbal tea, cocoa mixes or bath items: "For when you feel like a basket case."

• Hershey's Kisses in a wire whisk: "We whisk you a Merry Kiss-mas."

• Oven mitt filled with candies: "We ad-mitt you're a great neighbor!" or "Thanks for your helping hand" or "Merry Christmas from our pad to yours."

• Chex Party Mix: "Santa always Chex his list."

• Juice pitcher filled with candy canes: "We pitcher you raising a little cane during the holidays."

• A loaf of bread: "We're not loafing around! Merry Christmas!"

• Ready-to-bake pizza: "To someone with pizzazz."

• Oranges (or a chocolate orange): "Orange you glad we're friends?"

• Homemade divinity: "May your holiday be divine."

• Tins of flavored popcorn: "Just poppin' in to say Merry Christmas" or "Merry Christmas from your corny neighbors!"

C is for Consumerism.

This morning on the Marketplace Morning Report they announced the theme for the week: CONSUMERISM

This is the issue that I am working on within the walls of my home. I have never enjoyed shopping and yet I have a odd talent to find things. This talent was developed in bulk by my folks interest in buying in bulk, wholesale, "for the business." Also working for a spell in NYC as a stylist/assistant honed those skills. The result: my home is wallowing in crap. I take stuff to DI (local charity/Goodwill) and the designated DI basket magically refills. My friend June, a very sensible friend, with grown children, just told me the same thing happens at her house.

The Marketplace site has a lot of cool games to play, articles to read, shows to listen to (Why so many?) -- and leave behind. It might be good to check out with children.

Game: Consumer Consequences/What if everyone lived like me?